Bailing Yourself Out

February 7, 2009 at 3:12 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s been difficult for me to listen to the news or talk about politics with anyone for a long time.  Not that I dislike it… I read a lot about what’s going on, more than most people I know.  Maybe I have disinterested, disenfranchised friends.

I just hate the injustice of it all.  How the rich corporate CEOS screw over the working class.  The story is always the same, and I don’t wanna hear it.

Just working full time, being a college dropout (even if only temporarily), and paying bills is slowly making me feel ten years older.  Excuse me for this soon-to-be cliche: where the fuck is my bailout?  Another stimulus might help for a week, but a full credit reversal is in order.  I pay ten percent of my meager income, own an old car, rely a lot on my boyfriend for groceries, and still need to work for my mom once a week for fun money.

That’s the worst part: it does not work to quit spending cold turkey.  We always need to buy things.  It’s ingrained.  And completely necessary.  I’m not going to get a better paying job unless I look and feel good, and that costs.  So I give myself little treats now, to avoid having to binge shop.

Slippery slope to overspending again, but I’m trying really hard to learn a new habit.  It feels good to make early student loan payments well before they are do, for more than minimum.  It feels bad to know the interest isn’t even paid off yet.

Now that I’m responsible, I am acutely aware of these strange thoughts, of the future and financial calculations.  I want someone else to be responsible again.  I believe I deserve a new beginning (or loan).  But some of the same companies that take my money get an easy out , so why can’t I?

At least a few bad credit marks are about to go away.  It’s a start.  My start.


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